Matrescence - Birthing a new identity

4 days ago
5 min read

How naming what we feel can help us identify with and share our experience

If you have recently become a mother — or are about to — you may have noticed something about how you feel that is hard to put into words.

Yes, you have a baby.

But something in you has shifted too.

You might feel more emotional than you expected. More anxious. More protective. More tender. More overwhelmed. You might feel joy and grief in the same afternoon. You might love your baby deeply and still miss parts of who you were before.

If that sounds familiar, there is a word for what you’re experiencing and for some people being able to name it really helps.

It’s called matrescence.

What Is Matrescence?

The term matrescence was first introduced by anthropologist Dana Raphael in the 1970s to describe the transition into motherhood. Just as adolescence describes the transformation from child to adult, matrescence describes the physical, emotional, psychological and identity shifts that occur when a woman becomes a mother.

And like adolescence, it is not a single moment it is a process.

It unfolds over months — often years — and it reshapes far more than your daily routine.

Why It Can Feel So Overwhelming

Culturally, we tend to focus on the baby. The nursery. The birth story. The milestones. As new Mums we compare and measure our performance and experience with other new Mothers on social media but we speak far less about what we are truly experiencing.

Many women describe feeling:

unlike themselves
emotionally heightened
unsure of their identity
torn between gratitude and grief
unprepared for the intensity of it all

Research by psychotherapist Helen Davies has explored this transition in depth. In her qualitative research with mothers, she found that matrescence often involves both loss and transformation. Women described adjusting to a version of themselves that felt both familiar and unfamiliar at the same time. Even those who felt prepared for motherhood were often surprised by how emotionally unpredictable the experience was.

A recurring theme was the paradox of “mattering more than ever” while sometimes feeling invisible. Suddenly responsible for a tiny human — yet questioning who they themselves now are.

That tension is not a sign that something is wrong it is part of the developmental shift.

Your Brain and Body Are Changing Too

One of the most validating aspects of recent research — including the work of science writer Lucy Jones in her book Matrescence — is the growing understanding that this transformation is not just emotional. It is biological.

Brain imaging studies show that pregnancy and early motherhood can lead to measurable changes in brain structure. Some areas involved in social understanding and emotional processing become more finely tuned. These changes appear to support bonding, sensitivity to a baby’s cues, and heightened awareness of potential threats.

Many mothers describe feeling more vigilant, more emotionally attuned, even more sensitive to the world around them. These experiences are not imagined — they are rooted in neurological adaptation. Hormones also shift dramatically after birth.

During pregnancy, hormones such as oestrogen and progesterone rise to very high levels. After delivery, they drop sharply within a short period of time. This sudden change affects mood, energy and emotional regulation. At the same time, oxytocin — often called the “bonding hormone” — plays a powerful role in attachment and caregiving.

Layer sleep deprivation on top of these hormonal and neurological changes, and it’s no wonder emotions can feel closer to the surface.

This is not weakness, this is change and transition

Identity: The Part We Talk About Least

Beyond the physical changes, matrescence reshapes identity.

You may notice:

a shift in priorities
changes in friendships
new tensions in your relationship
grief for your former independence
a deeper sense of purpose
or uncertainty about who you are becoming

Lucy Jones describes this period as a kind of metamorphosis — not a loss of self, but a reorganisation of self, a reorganisation that can feel disorienting.

You are not only learning how to care for a baby you are also renegotiating your sense of self in the world.

Mixed Feelings Are Normal

One of the most important things to say clearly is this:

You can feel grateful and at the same time overwhelmed. You can feel love and frustration, joy and sadness.

These emotions are not contradictions. They are signs of expansion.

Matrescence is not meant to feel neat. It is layered, raw, profound and often messy.

And yet, so many women move through it silently — believing they should be coping better.

Why Naming It Matters

Having language changes things.

When you understand matrescence, you can begin to see that:

you are in a developmental phase
identity shifts are expected
emotional intensity has biological roots
needing support is normal

Naming the transition doesn’t remove the challenges — but it can remove the shame.

As a therapist, I often sit with mothers who worry that they are “not doing this right” because they don’t feel how they thought they would, how their Mothers told them they would or friends and peers. We are all different.

What I see, is not failure — but transformation.

Becoming a mother is not simply adding a baby to your life. It is a re-shaping of your nervous system, your brain, your relationships and your sense of self.

And like all profound transformations, it deserves time, compassion and support.

If you are in the thick of it — feeling tender, uncertain, changed — I want you to know this:

You are not broken, ungrateful or alone.

You are becoming.

And becoming takes time. 🤍

A Gentle Reminder

Reading about matrescence can be reassuring, but information alone isn’t a substitute for support. If you are struggling, you deserve care — not just coping strategies.

Motherhood is transformative you are allowed to need support while you are becoming.

Lincolnshire Psychotherapy