Is Pornography becoming a problem for you, are you addicted to porn?

I recently listened to a podcast episode about the growing impact of pornography on the mental and relationship health of young people and adults.

In the episode titled "The Big Porn Debate" from The Diary of a CEO podcast, host Steven Bartlett convenes a panel of three experts to explore the multifaceted impacts of pornography on individuals and society. The discussion features Dr. Alok Kanojia (a Harvard-trained psychiatrist and co-founder of Healthy Gamer), Dr. Rena Malik (a urologist and sexual health expert), and Erika Lust (an erotic filmmaker and founder of Erika Lust Films).

The episode presents a balanced discussion on pornography, acknowledging both its potential benefits and risks. The experts agree on the necessity for ethical production, informed consumption, and improved sexual education to navigate the complexities surrounding pornography in modern society.

How to Build a Healthy Relationship with Porn

In today’s digital world, access to pornography is easier than ever — and so are the mixed feelings surrounding it. People from all walks of life struggle to find balance in their relationship with porn. Some seek to reduce their usage, while others aim to quit entirely. Regardless of the goal, the first step is always the same: understanding why porn plays a role in your life.

Why Porn Can Become a Problem or an addiction

Porn, like food, alcohol, or social media, can serve as a coping mechanism. It offers temporary relief from stress, loneliness, boredom, or emotional pain. Over time, this pattern can hardwire the brain to associate porn with emotional regulation — creating a cycle that can feel hard to break.

For some, frequent use leads to real-life consequences:

• Reduced sexual satisfaction or intimacy with partners

• Erosion of self-esteem and emotional connection

• Escalation into content that doesn’t align with one’s values

• Interference with work, relationships, or mental health

Recognising these impacts is not about shame — it’s about clarity.

A Healthy Relationship with Porn Starts with Awareness

Whether your goal is moderation or abstinence, here are five psychotherapeutic principles that can guide your journey:

1. Explore the “Why” Behind Your Habit

Rather than focusing on what you’re watching or how often, get curious about why. Ask yourself:

• When do I typically watch porn?

• What am I feeling beforehand?

• What does porn help me escape or soothe?

Journaling or talking with a therapist can help uncover emotional triggers — such as stress, anxiety, rejection, or boredom — that fuel the habit.

2. Notice, Don’t Judge

Guilt and shame often drive compulsive behavior deeper into secrecy. Instead, practice self-observation with compassion. If you relapse or watch when you said you wouldn’t, resist harsh self-talk. Instead ask: What need was I trying to meet? What can I try differently next time?

3. Create a Supportive Environment

Your digital environment plays a role in habit formation. Consider:

• Using website blockers to reduce temptation

• Deleting saved content or accounts

• Turning off devices an hour before bed

• Replacing screen time with healthier habits (e.g., reading, walking, calling a friend)

You're not "weak" for needing structure — you're human. Boundaries support growth.

4. Find New Ways to Regulate Emotion

Many clients find that when they stop using porn, uncomfortable emotions surface. That’s natural. The goal is to build new strategies to cope with stress and loneliness:

• Mindfulness or deep breathing

• Talking to a friend or therapist

• Creative expression (music, art, writing)

• Physical activity

Healing comes not from willpower alone, but from emotional resilience.

5. Redefine Intimacy and Connection

Porn can create unrealistic expectations around sex, bodies, and pleasure. Part of healing is reconnecting with real intimacy — emotional, physical, and relational. Whether you're in a relationship or single, work on:

• Open communication

• Mutual consent and exploration

• Developing emotional closeness

• Seeking out resources (books, therapy, ethical porn) that reflect healthy, diverse representations of sex

When to Seek Professional Help for a problem with porn use

If you feel out of control, ashamed, or hopeless, you’re not alone — and you don’t have to fix this by yourself. Therapy offers a safe, nonjudgmental space to explore your relationship with porn, understand deeper emotional patterns, and develop tools that support your well-being.

Final Thoughts

There’s no one-size-fits-all answer to porn. For some, quitting is empowering. For others, moderation is achievable and healthy. What matters most is your ability to choose — not act out of compulsion. A healthy relationship with porn, like any behavior, begins with honesty, awareness, and self-compassion.

Your sexuality doesn’t define your worth. Healing is possible — and you deserve it.