Tis the season to be....

Christmas: A Season That Is Not Easy for Everyone

Throughout much of the UK and the western world, Christmas carries a powerful cultural script: joy, closeness, abundance, family harmony, warmth. However, in the therapy room — and in life — the reality is often far more complex.

For many people, Christmas is not simply a celebration. It’s a time when emotions intensify, memories surface, family dynamics tighten, and expectations skyrocket. As a therapist and as I reflect myself on my own relationships, and Christmases past, I see how deeply this season can stir old wounds, anxieties, and pressures.

I want to name something important:

Feeling overwhelmed at Christmas doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’re human.

Why Christmas Can Be Emotionally Difficult

Christmas brings with it layers — of history, family patterns, losses, and societal expectations. The holiday season has a way of shining a light on what we have, what we miss, and what still hurts.

A few themes often arise:

1. Old Family Dynamics Reappear

No matter how much we’ve grown, returning to family spaces can pull us back into familiar roles. The “peaceful” Christmas gathering can sometimes feel like walking into an emotional time capsule.

2. Pressure to Feel Happy

We’re surrounded by messages that Christmas should feel magical. When it doesn’t, people often experience shame or sadness: “What’s wrong with me?” “Why can’t I just enjoy it like everyone else?”

From a therapeutic stance: nothing is wrong with you. Emotional complexity around holidays is normal.

3. Grief Is Louder This Time of Year

Empty chairs feel heavier. Traditions highlight absences. Loss, separation, and change are felt more intensely.

4. Comparison Becomes a Quiet Companion

Social media amplifies the most curated moments of the season, it is easy to assume everyone else is achieving the mythical “perfect Christmas.”

Managing Expectations: Letting Go of the ‘Ideal Christmas’

One of the most supportive things we can do for ourselves is gently recalibrate expectations. The internal pressure to create the perfect day often leads to stress, resentment, or burnout.

Here are a few therapeutic ways to soften those expectations:

• Allow Christmas to be “good enough.”Not perfect. Not cinematic. Just good enough. This shift alone creates room for breathing.

• Notice the “shoulds.” “I should buy more.” “I should visit everyone.” “I should feel festive.”Shoulds usually come from external pressure, not internal need.

• Define what truly matters to you. A quiet morning? Time alone? Time with chosen family? Your Christmas can be shaped around meaning rather than performance.

• Acknowledge mixed feelings. Joy and sadness can coexist. So can gratitude and grief.T There’s no emotional rulebook for this season.

Setting Boundaries: A Form of Self-Care, Not Selfishness

Boundaries are often the difference between a tolerable Christmas and an overwhelming one.

Many people struggle with boundaries at this time of year because they collide with family expectations or long-standing patterns. But boundaries are simply a way of protecting our emotional capacity and can omprove and strengthen our relationships.

Some examples that I often encourage clients to explore:

1. Boundaries Around Time

You don’t have to attend every event, and you don’t have to stay longer than feels comfortable, give yourself permission to leave when you’ve reached your limit.

2. Boundaries Around Conversations

You can redirect or decline topics that feel intrusive or painful: “I’d rather not talk about that today.” “Let’s change the subject.”

3. Boundaries Around Energy

If hosting drains you, simplify.If gift-giving stresses you, agree on alternatives.If certain interactions feel unsafe, you can opt out.

4. Boundaries With Yourself

Sometimes the hardest boundaries are internal —Stepping away from perfectionism. Resting when your body signals that it needs it. Allowing emotions to come without judgement.

Giving Yourself Permission to Have Your Own Experience

Therapy often invites us to give ourselves permission: permission to feel, to say no, to rest, to honour what’s true rather than what’s expected.

At Christmas, that permission is especially important.

You are allowed to:

Have a quieter Christmas, grieve someone you miss, feel joy even if things are messy. Not enjoy every moment, create your own traditions, protect your peace, let this year be different from the last

A Gentle Reminder

Christmas does not require emotional perfection, it is impotant that you meet yourself where you are.

Whether this season feels comforting, complicated, or something in-between, your experience is valid. And tending to yourself — with honesty and compassion — is one of the most meaningful gifts you can give.

Lincolnshire Psychotherapy will be taking a short break over Christmas from Thursday 18th December to 6th January

If you or someone you know needs help, these services are here over Christmas and New Year:

📞 Samaritans – 24/7 emotional support: 116 123

📱 Shout – Text 85258 for free, confidential support

👂 NHS 111 – For urgent mental health help

👥 Local Crisis Teams – Contact your local NHS mental health crisis line

🏥 999 – If you or someone else is in immediate danger