Reflections from the Therapy Room - Why Endings in Therapy Matter More Than We Think

Endings are never just endings.

Especially in therapy.

One of the most tender parts of this work, a part people don’t always talk about, is the ending.

Therapy endings carry a particular weight. They can feel warm, bittersweet, proud, painful, or quietly significant. And for me, as a therapist, they’re often all of those things at once. Endings are not simply the moment a client walks out the door for the last time; they’re a process. A transition. A relationship completing a chapter with intention.

Over the years, I’ve come to see that endings in therapy reach far deeper than the moment itself. They awaken old stories — for both client and therapist — because we all carry emotional memories of endings we’ve lived through in our own lives.

Why Endings Stir So Much Inside Us

Every person arrives in therapy with an invisible history of endings: the painful ones, the sudden ones, the ones that were never acknowledged, and the rare ones that were held with care. Those experiences shape how someone approaches the end of therapy.

John Bowlby, the attachment theorist, wrote about how our early relationships create “internal working models” — our expectations of how people come and go. It’s something I see again and again: A client who has known abrupt goodbyes may fear therapy will end the same way. Someone who has lost people suddenly may feel anxious as the end approaches. Another who’s never had a healthy goodbye may not know how to sit in the space at all.

And then there are the clients who have had secure endings in their life. They may feel sadness, yes, but also a sense of resolution. A sense of being ready.

I often think of Wilfred Bion’s idea of the therapist as a container — someone who holds emotions safely so the client can process them. When therapy ends, it’s natural for clients to wonder: Can I hold all of this on my own now? Exploring that question together becomes an important part of the work.

The Ending as Part of the Relationship

Therapy is such a unique relationship. It’s intimate, boundaried, purposeful, human. We sit together in the messy middle of someone’s life. We witness their shifts, their stuck points, their breakthroughs, their pain, their courage.

So when this relationship ends, it touches something deep.

Irvin Yalom wrote beautifully about the therapeutic goodbye — how essential it is to model a healthy ending. I’ve taken that to heart. Ending well is a gift clients don’t always get outside the therapy room.

A good ending allows space for:

• naming the growth

• acknowledging the work we’ve done together

• exploring the feelings that come up when a meaningful relationship changes

• noticing what this ending reminds us of

• carrying the insights forward

Sometimes the most healing part of therapy isn’t the beginning or the middle — it’s the ending that finally shows someone what a secure goodbye feels like.

Why Acknowledging the Ending Matters

In everyday life, endings often get rushed or brushed aside. We “move on,” get busy, distract ourselves, or pretend we don’t feel much at all.

In therapy, we do it differently.

We pause.

We notice.

We talk about what the ending means.

Acknowledging the ending creates room for meaning — and meaning is what allows emotions to integrate rather than linger.

As the therapist, I also feel the ending.

Not in the same way as my client, but in a real way. Therapists don’t walk away untouched. We care. We remember. There’s a gentle bittersweetness in watching someone step into the next stage of their life without us — and an immense sense of pride in witnessing their readiness.

Grief, Gratitude, and the Quiet Space After

I often tell people that grief at the end of therapy isn’t a sign something is wrong. Grief is a sign that the relationship mattered. And gratitude can sit right beside it.

A good ending doesn’t erase the connection; it honors it.

For me, the most meaningful endings are the ones where both of us can look at the work honestly and say:

This mattered.We did something important here.And now you’re ready to carry it forward.

Therapy teaches us — both client and therapist — that endings, when acknowledged with care, can be healing. They can repair the wounds of endings that came before. They can show us what it feels like to complete something with awareness, compassion, and respect.

Not all endings in life get to be this intentional.But the ones in therapy can be. And that alone can change how someone meets endings for the rest of their life. Sometimes endings also create opportunities for new beginnings and later if needed re starts, as a therpaist my door is always open for that too.

Pause for thought .......What have your endings been like throughout your life?

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